There comes a time in everyone's life when his or her relationship must halt and come to a dead end. It's not really anybody's fault. Hey, it just could be that it wasn't meant to be, right?

It's natural that relationships break up. No matter how many fish you throw back into the sea, you'll always learn something from each one and use it for the next love saga you enter in to.

One of the following lines usually makes your break-up evident:

I need my space.

I want to see other people were just too serious.

I think we're better off as friends.

Whether you had to break your lovers heart or he broke yours doesnt matter. The issue at hand is: after all is said and done and the one world you both shared has dissolved, can you still remain platonic friends? Is it realistic to just be buddies with someone that you were once intimate with?

My answer is undoubtedly, NO.

You have a past with someone, a sexual one at that, and its over. What is the point of carrying on a friendship with this person? There isn't one. We all have enough friends. Why create major chaos in your life by giving your ex a friendship bracelet too? It's just not feasible.

Four months ago, I told my boyfriend of two years that I wanted to see other people. A little birdie told me that it was time to move on and I did. I was tired of the predictability and monotony of my life. Plus, the singles scene was calling my name loud and clear.

So, now that weve gone our separate ways he wants to cherish me as a friend: Try to keep me around as one of his good ol' pals.

Kel, just because were not going out doesn't mean that we cant be friends.

My response to that one, Yes, it does!

It's obvious he's trying to play a little trick on me. Get me back as his friend and then maneuver his way back into my love life. Guess what? I'm not falling for it. Let's just say, for instance, that we remain friends. What shall we do? Have lunch once a week and exchange social calendars? How about converse on the phone everyday and make small talk? Friends talk about their personal lives so am I allowed to tell my new friend about the guy I kissed last night? See, it just doesnt work.

It especially doesn't work if you've already moved on to someone else. Your new boyfriend isn't going to feel comfortable with you hanging out with your ex, even if he is just a friend. Think about it. What if your boyfriend wanted to remain just friends with his ex-girlfriend? I'm almost positive that you would have a major hissy fit and give him the silent treatment until he has cut off his relations with her. Hey, it's not uncommon for you to be livid when your man wants to be best buddies with his ex; jealousy is a trait that harbors inside us all, especially when weve been bitten by the love bug.

In case you still think two people that at one time shared intimacy can keep a strictly platonic relationship, think again.

Take, for example, Donna Martin and David Silver from Beverly Hills 90210. Donna lost her virginity to David and spent her most crucial years with him. Eventually, they went their separate ways, experimenting with others, trying to find out what they actually wanted from life and love. They both entered into relationships with others but remained close friends. The result? They were on the verge of falling back into each others arms.

All in all, don't try to keep an ex-companion around as a friend. You have enough ruckus and stress in your life as it is. Wipe the slate clean and move on with a fresh start. Your ex-lover will always be part of your past; just make sure that you keep it that way.

And that, true believers, is what this month's column is about: expectations and the chances of being happy because of them. If, as Buddha told us, all Suffering comes from Desire, then all Disappointment comes from Expectation.

Being in a fairly new relationship with a wonderful and Beautiful Young Babe, she and I are constantly faced with our expectations for each other (and ourselves) in our relationship. Admittedly, we are also faced with disappointments at times. Personally speaking, if she reacted the way I'd react, or expect (or hope) she'd react, to her Bag O' Douche ex-fiancé's attempts to stay in her life, I'd be much happier. But I shouldn't expect her to react the way I would. She's not me (and thank Goddess for that, because I wouldn't want to fuck me). It's not that she mishandles her ex, but because her ways are not the ways I'd prefer, they're disappointing at best. And it's all my own damn fault.

Expectations like these cause many people to revert to Single status, and most people to remain there. Realizing this, I'm going to do my best to help out where I can. Ladies, there's a killer article in Tango that you must read: http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_hollywood-tango

The gist of it is this: Movies are NOT real life. Guys figure this out the first time we try to knock someone out with one punch or break a car window with our fist. Ladies… the Hooker with the heart of gold is not going to get the gorgeous Millionaire; your Ex-Boyfriend is not going to try to win you back by standing on your front lawn with a boom box over his head; and you're NOT going to save the Bad Boy by being a Good Girl. We're simple fucking Creatures, men. And we're not going to evolve thousands of years just because you love us.

Actually, that last one goes both ways. I heard it put best as:
"Women marry men hoping that they'll change. Men marry women hoping that they won't. They're both wrong."
I don't know who said it, but I wish I could rub the belly of THAT Buddha for good luck.
Ladies, your man is never going to stop belching or scratching at inappropriate times. And guys, your girl is not going to blow you every time you change her tire after you get married. Expect them to, and you'll both end up disappointed.

Hey guys, you know what the difference between a wife and a job is?
After five years, your job still Sucks.

Face it guys: Women do shit in bed that you'll never get them to do again, once they've got you. Because the truth is that the VERY quickest route to a guy's Heart is through his Dick. And once your heart is on lockdown, that route is closed to traffic until further notice.

Are there exceptions to these rules? Of course. Celebrate when applicable.
But expecting your girl or guy to be that Exception is likely going to lead to disappointment.

…I had female friends in college who had posted on their door "Lloyd Dobblers Welcome". Well Lloyd never showed. Ten years later, I wonder if they're still waiting.

I have a male friend now who thinks he'll find his One True Love by "banging chicks" that he seduces using the methods (read: "tricks") set forth in Dating Seminars. The advice he follows is great if you're looking for someone to Fuck. It's horrible if you're looking for someone to Love, and to Love you back. But his expectations lead to his constant disappointment, which leads to bitterness, which leads to less women who are attracted to him. It's sad, really. Even more sad is that he's not alone.

Nor are guys the only gender trapped in this Bullshit, Three Ring, Circus Side Show. How many of you ladies are so intent on finding Mr. Right, that you've completely ignored Mr. Right Now? How many guys have you discarded after a half a date because of that one thing that doesn't fit your profile of The One? How many have you chased away with the pressure of your expectations before they were ready to fulfill them?

It's so adorable that you don't want to settle for anything less than Perfection in Mr. Perfect. And it's so sad, too. No one is perfect, baby. And all you're really doing is letting a lot of Great Guys go, and leaving a lot of Destruction in your wake. So while you get more disappointed and jaded because no one fits your Space Needle-high standards, and while each guy gets more heartbroken and guarded because of the lack of hair on his head, or the surplus of hair on his arms, or his lack of Chippendale abs… all you're really doing is destroying a LOT of opportunities to be happy. Even if it's not Forever, you can be happy for a Little While.

The real Disappointment in life is this: After all the refusing to settle, lower standards, or lower expectations, there IS NO Happily-Ever-After. All most of us get are a bunch of Happy-For-a-Little-Whiles.

So take them when they come. Enjoy them for every moment that you have them. Don't expect them to last and don't put pressure on them to. Maybe if you've rubbed Buddha's belly enough, that Little While might turn into a lot of Long Whiles. And that wouldn't be disappointing at all, would it?

get.kra.z@gmail.com.

… Kra-Z is an Artist. 'Nuff said. He lives and plays in Las Vegas, but his heart is still on stage at the Jersey Shore. See his work @

artgonekra-z.com …