MORE- March 2006 page10

A LITTLE SPAIN with PAULY

Well, now that Juanito is through commiserating with his amigas on AOL Instant Messenger, I am online and finally sending these out. Get your 3D glasses ready because the slide show is about to begin

1. This is the view from the balcony of the house I´m staying in. Too bad for me. ¡Que Lástima!

2. This is the North tower of the plaza de España built in 1929 for the World exposition/fair. Unfortunately for Sevilla, there was a little event known as the Great Depression, so the turnout? Not so great. Beautiful building nonetheless, and a great pic if I do say so myself.

3. The Catedral and Giralda(tower). 3rd largest in the world next to St. Peter´s and St. Paul´s. Also, supposedly holds the remains of Christopher Columbus, but I think Geraldo is in the midst of unveilingthat mystery. Keep posted.

4. View from one of the many bridges down the Rio de Guadlquivir. On the right is the Torre del Oro

5. This is the torre del oro (tower of gold) which was a lookout point for invaders during Muslim rule. It was lined in gold, however, someone made off with it. If I was a betting man, I´d put my money on Flavor Flav.

6.This is a view from the top of the Giralda. This, of course, is the bull
ring which Juan refers to as the ringbull.

7.This is the stadium where the local team, Real Betis, plays. There are 2 teams here in Sevilla, and since this is a 5 minute walk down the street for me, I don´t have much of a choice to follow anyone else. The great part? The last 15 minutes of the game there is free entry. The bad part you ask? Betis?.......Not doing so well this season. The great part? There are a PLETHORA of seats available. Why? Betis?.....not doing well this season. I got to witness the end of a game the other night and was able to sit in the front row. The town is transformed on game night, and the experience was verrry surreal and fun. The locals consume mucho Cruzcampo (the local cerveza which with the ndalusian accent is pronounced CruTHcampo)

8. The front of the Plaza de España

9.The altar of the Catedral. All goldleaf, this shot is soso considering the no flash rule.

10. The view from the entrance to La Alhambra, a palace built in the 13th century by the Moors and occupied by the Christians as of 1492. This is overlooking the Albaicin, the ancient section of town. In this pic, you can see the Gypsy caves in the mountainside, which are still occupied. However, most are equipped with electricity, TVs, etcetc. It is also said that most of the 'Gypsies' do not even live in the caves, but commute from apartments downtown, and capitalize on tourism. those crazy gypsies.

11. Tower of Comares built in the 13th century. The pond is a display of wealth due to the lack of water in the desert, this was how one showed off his arnings in the Muslim world of the 13th century. Above is where the sultan, his hildren, and his 4 wives lived, happily ever after.

12. The entrance to the patio of Lions. This is where Islamic art and Gothic architecture combine in a design that just says fun.

13. The patio of Lions. No one knows the origins of the lions since it is forbidden by the Koran to replicate living creatures, hence the geometric art of Islam, but these are the originals. In one month they are being replaced by replicas, and being shipped off to a museum. Note the fact that the uthenticity is a little off. Why? Not many lions in Morocco. The artist just winged it.

14. The Generalife section of La Alhambra. The patio of Acequia. All fromthe springs of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Another great shot, I know (patting back).

15. The two greatest works of art currently on display together here in
Spain
enjoy

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE DURING SEX

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks fist.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the
pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian
gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner
with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

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