Well, it's Mardi Gras time again, and most of the bars in the area will be throwing their own versions of the "Fat Tuesday" party. They will give out cheesy beads and cut prices on Lite beers for a couple of hours and expect us all to believe that we are actually on Bourbon St. Well, let me be the first to tell you, as most of you already know, these Mardi Gras parties are a complete fucking joke! As a three time veteran of the greatest debacle the United States has to offer, and a proud resident of the Jersey shore, I have time and time again looked to our local boozers to try and come close to the debauchery that I witnessed every time I landed in the BIG EASY. Unfortunately, they can not hold a candle to the real deal. This is not a knock on our fine Jersey shore establishments, no not by a long shot. I have respect for anyone who will serve me up a cold bevy and try to have locals flash their unmentionables. Contrear Monfrear, this is a statement of how great a party that the Mardi Gras in New Orleans actually is.

For those of you who are unaware, Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday (February 28th this year) is actually the end of the partying in New Orleans. The party is thrown for a week or so prior to the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, the Roman Catholic preparation period before Easter. So, the date of Mardi Gras changes from year to year, depending on what date Easter falls on that year. Anyway, back to the debauchery.

The French Quarter, especially Bourbon Street, is the center of the party. Just imagine the craziest party you have ever been to and multiply that by a million! This thing is off the fucking chain! Titties and Beer everywhere! Massive amounts of people jam into every available piece of real estate on Bourbon Street. If you aren't holding on to your friends, you WILL loose them. And, unless you have a meeting place already set up or a GPS system in your phone, it will take forever to find them. So be careful! Just one look up to the balconies of the buildings lining the street and you will see why those late night video's are so popular, one word, TITS! Girls will flash you for a set of plastic beads that you can get very cheap or even free (see parade paragraph). Even Gleny.com would have a hard time keeping up on the rack photo ops in this place, trust me! Another positive is that everyone is hammered and there are beer vendors on every corner. You see, it is legal for you to walk around the streets of the BIG EASY with your drink! You can even take a drink out of one bar into another bar down the street. Try doing that in Jersey! Anyway, if it all sounds fun, it should, and trust me, it is!

But Bourbon Street is not the only attraction during the festivities. This year Mardi Gras officially begins on February 18th with the Pontchartrain parade and ends on the 28th. The parades, kind of like the party itself, start out small and progressively get bigger and bigger until Tuesday. You have to try and get there a bit early so you can get a good spot next to the railings they put up, which really isn't a big deal cause you can bring a cooler and drink while you wait for the parade to start. The reason you want to get so close is because unlike our lame-ass Belmar St. Patrick's Day parade, the people parading here actually throw stuff off of the floats for you. Some throw beads and medallions (a.k.a. booby currency or ticket to see boobs), some throw candy (you need something in your stomach), and some throw booze, yes, actual booze (my personal favorite). You must check out the Bacchus, Orpheus, Zulu and Rex parades, they are four of the largest and most fun. For start times and parade route check out www.mardigras.com

The party usually gets going on the weekend before Mardi Gras and progressively gets bigger and crazier until 11:59 Tuesday evening. At 12:00am Wednesday Cinderella's Chariot immediately turns back into a pumpkin. What I mean is that as soon as midnight Wednesday comes it is officially over, and the cops let you know it! They clear the streets on horseback followed by an army of street cleaning trucks. It really is bizarre how after all the craziness all weekend long that EVERYTHING shuts down as quickly as it does. I know cause I got a late start my first year and paid the price of being fairly sober with nothing open and nothing more to drink. Just remember to get drunk early on Fat Tuesday and everything will be fine!

.New Orleans has been on everyone's mind this year and the buzz I'm hearing is that this year is going to be one of, if not the best party ever! I would love to make it, but unfortunately cannot. I do have a few friends who are going and I will be interested to hear their stories when they return. If any of you reading this are going, or have gone, depending on when this is printed, please drop a line to gleny.com and let him know how it went. I love the Crescent City, I have been there many times throughout my life and I consider it my second home. I hope you all can get down to New Orleans ASAP and help this great city back onto its feet once again.