MORE- March 2006 page6

Album Review: I heart Fiona Apple

Music and I have an odd relationship. You see, I have no music in my soul. I enjoy music on a fairly superficial level. I even have fair taste in mainstream music. However I am unable to recognize musical genius. For me, good music is about lyrics and cadence, it is "poetry that is not boring and doesn't suck." This goes well beyond being your typical no rhythm white boy. While I do listen to music, the music itself fails to reach me the way it does others.
This means I do not like to dance. To most people this means "I like to dance, but I am shy about doing it in public." Not true. I honestly don't like to dance. I have tried, I get up there and move around, and it has nothing at all to do with the music on any level. There may as well be no music.
This is why I am not the guy to write a musical review. Consider this a review of lyrics and cadence of poetry that has music in the background.
The title track of Fiona Apples "Extraordinary Machine" is fantastic. I have shared it with a couple of musically inclined people (one, a musician and the other a bona-fide audiophile (does that make me an audiophobe?)) and it did nothing for them.
Although I have no idea what Fiona (may I call you Fiona?) intended, this song is almost a sequel to "Sleep to Dream". It is about love gone awry, and the difference worldview between lovers. Extraordinary Machine is clearly the product of a more worldly and weary artist. While Sleep is full of youthful vigor and zeal, Machine is no less angry, but is more resigned. Instead of black and white, Machine sees shades of gray.
The music has some kind of jazzy thing going on that some people may not like, bit I think this song bears hearing. You can listen to it for free on MTV's broadband channel.

-----Johnny---moochchesdale@yahoo.com

How to Avoid Getting Registry Rage

Can you remember the color of every appliance in your kitchen? Can you visualize your entire bathroom just by looking at pictures on the internet? Can you decide what theme you want in your bedroom before you even know where you'll be living? I can't! My wedding registry is one of the worst parts about wedding planning. I didn't mind shopping for a photographer. I didn't mind finding the perfect place. I didn't even mind figuring out a guest list. What I mind is registering. Maybe it's just me, but it's just HARD! I never thought that getting presents would be such a hassle.

First of all, there is simply too much to track. I keep forgetting what I ordered, how many, and in what color. Did I get measuring cups? If so, do they match the measuring spoons? Was it at Macy's or Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Do they match the mixing bowls? Does it even matter? AAAhhhhh!!!! I just can't handle it. The shoddy memory combined with the worst internet connection in the world make it quite difficult to get anything done at all.

Another registry challenge lies in the fact that we don't have a house yet. Most of the gifts that we receive will be stored at my mom's until we find a home of our own. How can I decide what colors I want in my kitchen without seeing the kitchen in the first place? I'm just opting for mostly white and hoping for the best. As for bedding, we'll use that here in the apartment, but I am on the eternal search for the perfect bedding and am not feeling too hopeful just yet. We've lived in our apartment for two years and are on our third bedding set. It seems that it will be forever out of my grasp.

If ever someone was picky about plates and forks, that someone would be Gleny. The dishes and flatware are two items that I will not register for on my own. He must be there with me. The dishes can't be thick, so stoneware is out. That's fine as far as I'm concerned, but stoneware is popular nowadays, so it's hard to find thin plates. I'm not really sure what Gleny's flatware criteria are, but he sure has some sort of evaluation system. I don't ask questions; I just let him feel it and make his own decision.

Size and shape alone are only the beginning of the china/flatware dilemma. First, you must decide if you want to get separate settings or complete sets. As far as dishes go, the sets usually come with mugs, so that deters me. I'm not a fan of mugs. However, to get them piecemeal costs a fortune. I am fairly certain that I'll be doing a set for my silverware on sheer principle. I'm sorry, but fifty bucks for a fork, knife, and two spoons is exorbitant! Do they cut my meat and feed me automatically for that price?

Luckily for me, the registry is close to finished. I do still need luggage, bedding, plates, forks, pots & pans, but other than that…ok, so I guess I'm not almost done. The good part about it is that I know I'll be getting lots of fun new toys to have ready when I actually get a home! It sure does make me feel all grown up. Of course, I still do have the biggest registry decision to make: what color KitchenAid do I get?